Complex Simplicity

I went for a run tonight. Nothing out of the ordinary, I try to go for run's as often as possible. But tonight's run was different. It's as if tonight I was more aware of God speaking to me while I was running. The cool breeze that stopped the beads of sweat from running down my face. The calming noise that the trees made as the wind caused the leaves to sound like waves of the ocean. The way the grassy hill in the middle of campus was being swayed back and forth in rhythm to God's orchestrated movements with the wind.

Then I noticed my thought process begin to shift towards Christ's words in the third chapter of the Gospel of John. He talks to Nicodemus about the need to be born again in order to have eternal life, and in His analogy references the wind. He says that we feel the wind, we can see it's effects - but we do not know where it comes from, it's source. In the same way, we can't understand or comprehend things of God or of the Spirit.

I know I'm not the only one who feels like I'm so lost in understanding God's ways sometimes. I have to keep reminding myself that my thoughts are not His thoughts, and my ways are not His ways. There is a purpose and a plan to everything that is done, though we can not see it right away - or even at all, ever. Sometimes God speaks to us through our trials, sometimes He speaks to us through our victories - sometimes we oversee the way He speaks to us during His provision in our hardships. Yet, no matter the situation, problem, trial or circumstance - God never stops talking to us; we just need to take time to sit back and listen.

Will we always understand? No, of course not. But, I'm learning to be okay with that. I mean, after all, if God would be on my level of understanding, then something isn't right. But this is where trust comes in. Trust in Him that everything will work out according to the good for those who love Him, and for those who serve Him (Romans 8:28). No matter the situation, or the complexity that it forms in your understanding - God is still God, He was good during the great flood of Noah's time, and He still sits on His throne forever (Psalm 29:10). Praise be to God, for He is holy.

You Never Let Go

I sit back and I start to think. Suddenly the reality of where I am hits me, and all I can think is - why me?

I have my days. Those days when I feel chosen. I can walk around praying victory and feeling full of God's authority. Then, I have those days when I remember all my faults, trials, and setbacks and I start to wonder if God called the right person.

One day I wake up, and I feel as though I'm anointed, filled with His Spirit, and walking pure and righteous. The next day, I feel ashamed, dirty and not deserving of even being in a church service - like I don't even feel worthy to be in the presence of God worshiping His majestic being.

How could God call someone so messed up? How could He give this mandate to someone full of sin, someone on an emotional roller coaster, someone who falls so often, someone who is not as disciplined as he should be -- how could God give His precious anointing to someone who is so undeserving?? Why me...

There are nights when I fall on my knees, crying, begging God to take the call He has on my life and to give it to someone more deserving because I feel so ashamed. I've screwed up, fallen, been beaten and bruised - and yet He won't stop calling my name. I've doubted, been negative, denied His favor, and even tried to walk away - and yet He won't stop calling my name.

I go to sleep at night, hearing the cries of the lost, my heart aching and burning for the captive, my dreams are filled with visions of revival and God's fire exploding in our churches -- I awake the next morning thinking that surely God made a mistake, because I am not one who is worthy to carry out such a task.

I've been held captive by my calling - a calling which I am honored to carry, a calling which I am privileged to have - but a calling which must have been delivered to the wrong person. If I could be happy doing anything else in the world, I would do it. But my spirit is not content doing anything less than God's work, my spirit is not content doing anything less than the mandate set before me...

And yet, I fall on my knees, and I ask God - why me? Why me, oh God, why me?

And through all my questioning, through all my despair... He won't stop calling my name.

Struggles of a Theologian

"Watch your doctrine closely!" - The Apostle Paul (1 Timothy 4:16)

I've heard it said that theology and spiritual Christianity are on two separate ends of Biblical living. If one studies the backgrounds of theology and the origin of theory - they are accused of being nothing more than critics of everyday Christian living. If one relies only on the guidance and revelation of the Holy Spirit without verification through academics, they are accused of being ignorant in their doctrine with nothing more than a folk theology faith - only accepting what is spoon-fed to them from behind the pulpit.

So which is true? Is it an insult to God if we do not only rely on what the Holy Spirit reveals to us without doing study of our own? Is it an intelligence depravity that we force ourselves to live in if we do not study the academics, but rather only chose to be guided by His Spirit?

Such extremes are what I've grappled with a lot lately. I count myself blessed to be able to grow both spiritually and intellectually since I have started my time at Bible school, don't get me wrong. But at the same time, I realize that there is a growing urge to be critical of those who are not lined up in accordance to what true Biblical interpretation is - and thus they profess false doctrine eisogetically from behind the sacred desk.

But the question arises to my conscience - is such a criticism even criticism at all? If my whole intention is only a reaction to the challenge presented to Timothy from Paul to combat false doctrine - are my actions or thoughts bad? Does it mean that I do not have faith in the Holy Spirit if I desire to research, uncover and diligently pursue an academic explanation to countless presented doctrines?

I submit that such a passionate pursuit of truth is what God would desire. All truth is God's truth. So then is it possible that someone can be deep in academic study while at the same time submitting to the Holy Spirit's revelation? I believe so. For it is during these moments of study that God's character is more revealed to the heart of the studier. Should we draw the line at reading the Bible and praying for revelation? I would say no. I believe it is vital to fully understand the time and context in which passages were written. Without full knowledge of the author's intention or the background of a passage, how could one honestly call themselves teachers of truth?

Does this mean that every time a minister of God's Word gets up to preach that we should look blatantly for false doctrine? Absolutely not. My challenge to you, as well as Paul's challenge to a growing mind in Christ, is to know your doctrine correctly - sound doctrine - and know it well enough to recognize when there is something out of line with God's Word. Does this mean you sacrifice community with the Holy Spirit and reliance on His revelation for academic study of previous theologian's findings? Absolutely not. Paul instructed Timothy to study to show himself approved (2 Timothy 2:15). Study. Research. Learn. Grow. By doing so, you not only grow in the foundation of what God has rooted to be the truth - but you also learn so much more about His identity and who He is - beyond the pages of Scripture. And I believe that such study requires even more dependency on the Holy Spirit's guidance to find ultimate truth.

So why must we be forced to choose between the anointing of the Holy Spirit and the academics of Scriptural context? I submit that to be a true minister of God’s Word, we must be able to have both. Choosing one over the other will only cheapen the call God has placed on our lives.

Academics. Spirituality. -- Opposing ideologies? On the contrary. I believe they go hand in hand - and as the first grows, the latter will flourish.

Challenge yourself. Challenge your mind. Challenge what you've been taught.

And remember - "... watch your doctrine closely."